The Back Alley Butcher. This past Saturday at Fort Royal Tears we witnessed, perhaps, the shadiest of back alley meat sales. A straight up meat deal going down right under our noses. Pausing practice momentarily, we Tears were drawn to the doorway by excited exclamations of: ' You won't find this cheaper anywhere else! Go online and see what I'm talking about!' (if any of you readers regularly purchase meat online, I am interested to speak with you), 'T-Bones, pork chops, rack of lamb, I've got it all in here.' It seems that Meat Man had snagged a passer by and was busy working his magic. I spied him. A slim fellow in his thirties wearing short pants, commandeering a rather official looking truck with large, high quality decals of various animals in their ready-to-consume state. A giant lobster stretched across the drivers side door and out towards the front fender. I did not, however, hear mention of the possibility of fresh lobster in the conversation.
Already in a somewhat giddy state, I sank to my knees in laughter. I was crying with laughter at the absurdity of it all. And then my happy moment on the floor was interrupted by a tone which my reptile brain identified as dangerous. 'You said if I took the time to open this up you'd buy some!'--'Yes, you did!'--'Why would I take the time to go through this and show you the meat if you were never going to buy some!' We reconvened in the doorway only in time to see an agitated man driving away in a meat truck spitting a very caustic 'God Bless You!' to his somewhat bewildered almost-patron.
Kids, don't rat on your friends and please, keep your eyes peeled for the Meat Man.